As Seen on T.V., by Amory McKeever

I'd like the burger with the biggest tits
With some wrist cut fries on the side
Buy me some pills to control the fits

Wash them down with diet lies

I'll buy the car that makes up for my dick

Park it in front of a foreclosed home

Painted with lead just to get me sick

This is not Munchausen Syndrome

I need to find a doctor I can't afford

To test for mentally transmitted diseases

I can't shake this feeling that I'm bored

Despite buying everything my wallet pleases

I've installed a pool I can drown myself in

A plasma screen mind control system

A professional trainer to make me thin

Ordered friends online but must have missed 'em

I bought myself a fine tailored suit

And a highly recommended wine basket

The invitations are already en route

For everyone to see my new pimped out casket