As Seen on T.V., by Amory McKeever

I'd like the burger with the biggest tits
With some wrist cut fries on the side
Buy me some pills to control the fits

Wash them down with diet lies

I'll buy the car that makes up for my dick

Park it in front of a foreclosed home

Painted with lead just to get me sick

This is not Munchausen Syndrome

I need to find a doctor I can't afford

To test for mentally transmitted diseases

I can't shake this feeling that I'm bored

Despite buying everything my wallet pleases

I've installed a pool I can drown myself in

A plasma screen mind control system

A professional trainer to make me thin

Ordered friends online but must have missed 'em

I bought myself a fine tailored suit

And a highly recommended wine basket

The invitations are already en route

For everyone to see my new pimped out casket

Zeroes, by Amory McKeever

My hero wanted to be on top of the world

So he collected fast cars and faster girls

The cover of a magazine said he was cool

We found him at the bottom of his indoor pool

My hero always fought like a hungry lion

He could find trouble without even trying

His reputation stood ahead of him in line

Now he's face down with a bullet in his spine

Having heroes isn't what it used to be

It used to be that they were better than me

I used to look up to them like they were kings

Now they reflect the evil in everything

My hero never wanted to grow up

So he drank from the fountain till he was drunk

Tried to live everyday like he was 21

Well wouldn't you know it he died young

My hero had his name on his tennis shoes

Had his own show on MTV News

Shined on like superman for the camera crews

Turns out he looked good in a casket too

Having heroes isn't what it used to be

It used to be that they were better than me

I used to look up to them like they were kings

Now they reflect the evil in everything

Emotional Efreet, by Amory McKeever

Emotional Efreet burns me down 

On fire the flying Pegasus drowns 

In reflecting pools of this dirty town 

Lovelorn thieves have come and gone 

The vultures eating me, passing on 

Like a heartbreak charade I play along 

She cannibalizes my weary soul 

Emotional Efreet lets me go 

Just long enough to work me more 

Standing me up just to leave me low 

Like a tidal wave cracking my bones 

My will is sweeping out with the flow 

With a tux and an empty wedding gown 

With a hundred people toasting a clown 

With Pegasus feathers flying around 

Emotional Efreet burns me down

The Geist of Ms. Lords, by Amory McKeever

As if this bed was built on burial grounds

She gets possessed when we fool around

Tears at my flesh and pulls on my hair

Sometimes we're in leather, sometimes we're bare

Finds a spot that she loves and sinks in her teeth

Beats me into a well seasoned meat

It's not just doing the things she commands

Blindfolding my eyes and tying down my hands

Worship her shrine until my jaw muscles cramp

Smile as she pulls out the whips and the clamps

This lustful phantasm that's been haunting me

Cruel vixen I conjured from beyond the t.v.

Gone, by Amory McKeever

Keep running down a dead end street 

Lungs are heavy its hard to breath 

Where's the shelter, where's the shade 

To take away the pain he made 

There could never be good reasons 

To stop a heart from beating 

As the night carries on, she's halfway to gone 

She hacks away at Gods creation 

Crimson drops in warm salvation 

Quietly She begins to fade 

The sirens of hope come too late 

There could never be good reasons 

To stop a heart from beating 

As the night carries on, she's already gone 

And it may seem so easy now 

But it's not the only way out 

As the night carries on 

She's already gone, she's already gone

Leap of Faith, by Amory McKeever

I'm taken in by your eyes

Left out in the cold by your touch

Anyone else would hesitate

And give up the chance to relate
Your demons outnumber your smiles

Until all that is left is a ghost

Anyone else would hesitate

I'll be here to help you escape

Keep walking down the same road

So much chips away at your soul

Anyone else would hesitate

And give up a chance to relate

When you're lost in the darkness of pain

I'll shine a light and call out your name

Anyone else would hesitate

Fall into my arms and be safe

Cruel Unconsciousness, by Amory McKeever

I'm all alone in this white cell
A deafening silent sterile hell
There's no windows, there's no doors
A vast and empty hardwood floor
The ceiling is beyond my reach
Walls that look blank and bleached
There's no way out, and no way in
My only weapon is a long sharp pin
From above, they slowly appear
Orbs of black and sticky fear
Now as soon as they touch the ground
It seems they can't be moved around
But if I can catch them on my spike
They quickly vanish as I would like 
If I do not, they stay permanent
And fill the room as if cement
Never falling from the same place
Their frequency increases pace
I'm growing tired and out of breath
I can see my impending death
They pile high with every failure
In tears I beg an imagined jailer
Sets me free from this state
Time goes by with no change in fate
With every miss, the orbs creep closer
I begin to lose all composure
So many now I can hardly move
I wonder what this was meant to prove
I get the feeling of suffocation
Moments from my own damnation
Just before it's my life they take
That is when I am shook awake

Krokodil, by Amory McKeever

Goodbye dear Chernobyl rain

And all of its grey fallout

Farewell our old friend Ukraine

We will miss you no doubt

We know that we lost the war

Kalashnikov is rust and legend

We're not making tanks no more

But it's much worse than we imagined

Crocodiles took our future

Yet we let not a scream

We just inject a liquid suture

And escape in desomorphine

The crocodiles can smell our fear

They hide under the hopelessness

The crocodiles shed bogus tears

While they devour us en mass

Holding Back the Beast, by Amory McKeever

So very long ago

Life as far as the eye can see

But dancing among the stars

So many enemies

I'm quite surprised you got this far

Greater hearts have gone extinct

Greater races end in a blink

A precarious realm in which you live

Not quite as safe as you think

Assassins spin wild through the sky

And plot your death in the dark dark night

Your ancestors today unearthed

Did not last long in the fight

So young and so much naive

Look both ways before you cross the street

Because at the end of time

I'm the only one who grieves

Say what you will

About whether or not I'm still

I never needed your permission

To save you from the kill

A moment of silence at the feast

Or a simple thank you in the least

It would be proper to tip your hat

To the one who holds back the beast

Kingdom Crumb, by Amory McKeever

Felt so violated

I took myself a rape shower

No other way about it

My innocence a dead flower

From the edge of my seat

To hiding in a dark corner

My childhood memories

So completely fucked over

Toss and turn in pain

Like I broke all my bones

Why the fuck are there aliens

In Indiana Jones?

A Scruffy Looking Story, by Amory McKeever

I shot first, this much is true

In a bar on a planet where they harvest the blue
Hey I'm the good guy I'll claim self-defense

So I can help some shady old man and his friends

Did I just pass the second star on the right?

Well if I did then just blame this warp drive

We must have come out of hyperspace too soon

Because the planet is dust, and that's no moon

Some rescue she says how ungrateful and rash

R2 better help we're getting smashed with the trash

The old man had some skills and disabled the beam

He sacrificed himself so we wouldn't get creamed

Just when I thought I was clear of this stuff

Wouldn't you know it, my guilty conscience shows up

The kid may have bulls-eyed womprats back home

But he's cocky to think he can do this alone

I need to leave and pay Jabba, my butt's in a sling

Cold as ice here and now Luke has gone missing

Walkers are sighted the Empire's at our heels

Again I rescue her highness though she hides how she feels

I thought a friend that I trusted could hide us away

But the Empire got to Lando earlier that day

Now the princess steals a kiss I know she loves me

Even after I become a frozen carbonite mummy

I can tell that it's her even though I'm blind

I've long heard her whisper in the back of my mind

The kid needs to look out for Jabba's trap door

Then what a surprise Luke beats the rancor

Well look at this, the kid's a Jedi Knight

With the mighty power of the force on his side

Princess chokes out Jabba pulling that chain so tight

Who knows, we just might make it out of this alive

From the forests of Endor, Ewoks had our back

To destroy the shield generator so the fleet can attack

A battle ensues, and all sides lose some friends

Lucky storm troopers couldn't hit a Bantha's rear end

Now a father brings the Emperor his own son

An offer to turn, and rule the galaxy as one

But as hate flows through and light sabers land

A son spares a father after taking his hand

The Emperor has had enough of this fighting

Blasts the Jedi with the dark sides powerful lightning

But Luke knew there was some good left in his soul

When Vader lifted his master and threw him down the hole

Unmasking his father, so he can look with his own eyes

Anakin sees redemption from all his evil and lies

Now down on Endor the party is really shakin'

There will now be peace until the force awakens