Unreal, by Amory McKeever

I'm always fighting alien invaders

Arresting crooked wall street traders

I boldly go where no one has gone

Discover a planet full of Klingon's

My friends and I are Wolverines!

With fathers actually worth avenging

Steve McQueen chases me in Bullitt

Billy Ray Cyrus admires my mullet

I'm surrounded by zombies hungry for brains!

Lucky my shotgun shells never drain

I'm elected President in 2040

and do it with YouTube rather than money

All of these memories I wish I could keep

Why oh why can't I ever die in my sleep?

I'm so important you want my autograph

I'm the most fascinating person, Barbara Walters says that

I tell a joke so funny Chuck Norris cries

We cure cancer with his tears saving millions of lives

I forgive my father of his many sins

and stop dwelling on my might-have-beens

I'm the husband I promised that I would be

and write out all my apologies

My woman loves me without condition

she stands beside me during the demolition

I rebuild myself better and finally

my son looks up to me excitedly

All of these memories I wish I could keep

Why oh why can't I ever die in my sleep?